~ Auctioneer ~

~ The Auctioneer ~

  Hey, well alright sir, here we go there and what are ya' gonna give for 'em. I have a 600 dollar down here; now 10 and now 25 and now 35 and now there 50; now 60 will ya' give me 60 now 75; 75 another 85 dollars another buy 'em there.

There was a boy in Arkansas
Who wouldn't listen to his ma
When she told him he should go to school
He'd sneak away in the afternoon
Take a little walk, then pretty soon
You'd find him at the local auction barn

He'd stand and listen carefully
Then pretty soon he began to see
How the auctioneer could talk so rapidly
He said, "Oh my, it's do or die
I've got to learn that auction cry
Gotta make my mark and be an auctioneer."

25 dollar bid it now, 30 dollar 30
Will you gimmie 30, make it 30
Bid it on a 30 dollar, will you gimmie 30
Who'll bid a 30 dollar bid
30 dollar bid it now, 35, will you gimmie 35
To make it 35 to bid at 35
Who would a-bid it at a 35 dollar bid

As time went on, he did his best
And all could see he didn't jest
He practiced calling bids both night and day
His pap would find him behind the barn
Just working up an awful storm
As he tried to imitate the auctioneer

Then his pap said, "Son, we just can't stand
to have a mediocre man sellin' things at auction
Using our good name
I'll send you off to auction school
Then you'll be nobody's fool
You can take your place among the best."

35 dollar bid it, now a 40 dollar 40
Will you gimmie 40 make it 40
Bidin' it on a 40 dollar, will you gimmie 40
Who'll bid a 40 dollar bid
40 dollar bid it now, 45, will you gimmie 45
To make it a 45 to bid it a 45
Who would a-bid it at a 45 dollar bid

So from that boy who went to school
There grew a man who played it cool
He came back home a full-fledged auctioneer
Then the people came from miles around
Just to hear him make that rhythmic sound
That filled their hearts with such a happy cheer

His fame spread out from shore to shore
He had all he could do and more
Had to buy a plane to get around
Now he's the tops in all the land
Now let's pause and give that man a hand
He's the best of all the auctioneers

45 dollar bid it, now a 50 dollar 50
Will you gimmie 50, make it 50
Bidin' it on a 50 dollar, will you gimmie 50
Who'll bid a 50 dollar bid
50 dollar bid it now, 55, will you gimmie 55
To make it a 55 to bid at 55
Sold that hog for a 50 dollar bill!

  Hey well all right sir, open the gate and let ’em out and walk ’em boys. Here we come a lot number twenty-nine in. What are you gonna give for 'em. I have a 25 ,I oughta get 35 and now a 50 make it 50 bid it along at 50 now 60 will ya' give me 60 now 75 and now 85 and now 95 a hundred and now 25 and now it's at 75 and a 2 and a 3 and a 4 and a 5 and a 6 now 7 now 800 dollars and a buy 'em there.

Performed by
LeRoy Van Dyke

© Denim & Lace 2008
Whew ! ! !

"The trouble with talking too fast
Is you may say something you haven't thought of yet."